Happy Brain Storming

STRANGE ways to meet new people in a new city.

So there you are. You have a new job, a new house but except from your fat boss and your 62 year old landlord, you know nobody else in that city. What can you do about that?

Nowadays, we live in huge blocks of buildings, we share space in an incredible density but still it seems difficult to meet new people. I listen often to people saying: "You know, I can't open my social circle". You must be kidding me. Are you NUTS? ... It has NEVER, through the ENTIRE human history, been easier to meet new people than TODAY. You bump into new people at every step you take. You get out of your house, you walk 231,34 m to the closest metro while crossing two of your potential best friends at the bus station. You get into the tube and wait next to 5 potentials buddies, 6 potential fuck buddies and 1 love of your life. You exit the metro and get into the shopping mall when .... ... FREEZE. Don't move an inch. Don't even flinch. Put the playboy magazine down. Look around you.

How many people are there?? What are they wearing ?? Who amongst them could be of interest?? What do you think they do for living ?? Are you sure that you know or are you basing your assumptions on stereotypes and cliches ?? Why don't you go over there and meet some of them. No? Why not? Is it really difficult? I've tried the above. Streets, malls and pubs have been a great background for the biggest party of all: MY LIFE. My only goal was TO MEET NEW PEOPLE. How many new people have YOU talked to last year ??

For those that love algorithms: Here is the three step process.

a) Take the decision to do whatever is necessary to meet new people, so help me god.

b) Choose a strategy with no fear or passion.

c) FOLLOW that strategy until termination or failure.

Simple steps to social happiness - that will make your telephone ring so often that you will have to turn it off.

1) Take a theater class or a seminar. Any comedy, improvisation or theater class is a surefire way to meet cool people while having fun.

2) Find a health club or a gym. Most of the people that hung out at the gym, they are not there only to work out but also to meet other people. Great ice breaker: "Do you need the 45kg dumbbell or can I use it?".

3) Find a dancing course. Learn how to dance salsa while socializing. The same people that hung around at salsa courses are looking for dancing buddies to go out on Fridays and Saturdays.

4) Take a yoga or a Tai Chi course. Then take your yoga friend and have a good cup of tea while levitating which will bring even more curious bystanders to your group.

5) Start a sport. There is nothing better than having a beer with your sparring mates at the local pub after training. Well actually there is.... with a nice person of the opposite sex and some lotion but that is another story....

6) Find a business association and have some talks and laughs with them.

7) Meet people from your working environment. Hey Jim why don't we go out for a beer on Friday night??

8) Go to social events. Even if you don't feel like it. Get your self OUT THERE. You'll never know WHO you are going to meet. If you keep doing what you've been doing, you'll keep having what you've been having. Now read that again but this time backwards while singing the national anthem. Cool, no??

9) Organise social events, organise a party. If you decide to do it, make sure it is not too late, avoid working days and make sure to write on the Flyer that you want NO presents, so people will not shy out because they haven't bought you one. Just avoid the music of 'Dr Dre' because it will scare the visitors away. Don't believe everything you see on MTV.

10) Meet people through Internet if this is your thing. I don't like this one. It does work ... to an extent. I am sure you will find many sites that will teach you how. Just don't tell them we sent you there. Great love story on that: "Innocent19 meets HornyLube54". Some more insight on that later...

11) Learn how to cultivate a huge social circle. Then meet more people through that circle. Have you heard of the expression that 'money brings more money'? Well it works with people. 'People will meet you to more people'. Duh.

12) Learn what it takes to be liked.

13) Get a dog and take him for a walk every day. Dogs are not man's best friend, that's a fallacy - they are man's best ice breaker. You can train them to bring people at your plate: "Lassie, Lassie leave the mister alone. Give him his leg back - good girl, GOOD girl".

Learn how to approach and meet people in bars and in the street. If you get that right then all the above will become obsolete. The challenge with this form of art is that it needs to follow the PPT principle: Practice. You have to practice it a hundred times until you even start to get it right. At first you will look strange and I'm afraid there is no other way around it. Sorry. Patience. You make it a habit and forget of the outcome. Time. You have to do it over a long period of time. Then... you'll get results. For this to happen you will need to make a commitment that you will go out and try to meet somebody new at least three times per week for the next six months. After 100 approaches you will start to get it down. Guaranteed. We've tried this out for you. I've changed cities and countries three times in my life for professional reasons. And I've been starting from scratch every single time while doing what I write about on this article - with a phenomenal success.

1) Make a big effort on how you look. The more effort you make, the more groomed you are, the easier will be for people to listen to what you have to say. If you don't make an effort, it will be like shooting your foot with a bazooka right even before you start: Nothing you will say from that point on will make them to pay attention. Remember that first impressions last.

2) Smile. When you do smile two things happen simultaneously: You send a message to yourself to relax and be more happy and you guide the other person to follow that state. Don't force your smile, instead learn how to access a happy state.

3) Approach. Ask an open ended question. Something that cannot be answered with a mere yes or no - or with a mere Oui or Non, or with a Si or No and not even with a Ja or Nej. If the person is much smaller than you, you may consider a good idea to approach him from an angle so as not to intimidate him. Kind of like a horse whisperer.

4) Tell them you only have a minute. This will make the other person think you are not going to hover over them for ever.

5) Now you can make an observation about them and move on a subject that is more interesting. Avoid politics and religion unless the guy REALLY wants to talk about them and you know what his beliefs are. 'Hey what do you think of our president??' - cannot possibly be a good ice breaker.

5-by3/tango) Offer value to the group. Show them something interesting so as when you two will part, he will consider you as someone very interesting. Having humour can help. Also you can share a non threatening secret that will help you two create a kind of 'we' conspiracy.

6) Learn how to tell stories while embedding high status values. I remember I met a guy at a party who looked like Moby with a twist: He looked more satisfied. Even though, I remember that after the first glance I was thinking that he should be someone that shouldn't live a very interesting life. I started a little conversation with him and after three minutes he had embedded three important pieces of information in the conversation that changed my attitude towards him COMPLETELY: a) He OWNED a company b) He had a PhD and c) He was a base jumper. From that point on whatever Dr.Parachute-Moby would say or do would be filtered through the above information. The result was that his acts would seem more cool. So learn how to tell stories.

7) Be always positive. This attracts people to you.

8) Learn to accept people's indifference with no changing in your mood. After some time it will be THIS psychological feat that will learn you to guide relationships to Positivity Land and maybe even to Happiness County. Learn how to smile even if the other is frowning.

Outro

There is no bloody outro, just go out and make it today the first socially robust day of the rest of your life.

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Maria

| | 2008-07-20 08:27:37

This is a funny and well developed article! I love this site; I just found it today!