Happy Brain Storming

how-to make friends and build a HUGE social circle

It just blows my mind every time.

Why are there so many people that are not able to live a normal social life ?? Lets take for example my good, old friend John. John is paid a LOT of money by a respected company to do a demanding work that *very* few people can do. Not only is he considered good but he has also been called 'one of the leading minds' in that domain. However, when it has to do with social dynamics he is as intelligent as a chair can be. Social intelligence, social dynamics or social communication: Call it as you want but we are not talking about rocket science here, are we ?? It is really impressive: Every time I see him in a social gathering he succeeds to fail. How does he manage to do it?

Social

In every social gathering there are absorbers and absorbed: The absorbed are people who offer value and energy to the group by telling positive stories or jokes. Who are you? Are you the one that gets absorbed or the one that absorbs?

Center

Most of us tend to switch from the one to the other all the time. However... Those who stay in the shadow all the time, those who only absorb and never come forth to say what they think, those lazy, lazy fellas, after some time they tend to be considered as a heavy burden for the group.

Pointer numero dos about social communication:

It is well known that in any given conversation, those that absorb the message control the conversation. If you frown when someone speaks, then chances are that you are sabotaging what he is saying. So if there are 4 people in a group, one is talking while three are listening those that listen have the power to kill the conversation.

This happens because while most people see consciously the speaker, they also see unconsciously the listeners via their peripheral vision. If some of them frown then the conversation spirit will spiral down faster than than an elephant that tries to learn how to parachute. Don't be the grumpy. Be the pleasant one.

[ If you didn't understand the above paragraph just keep the last line. One liners are good, aren't they ? ]

Then we come to the biggest turn-off of all times (after Windows Vista that is): Those, who don’t hold a social circle of their own but hung only on their *the best friend* to take care of that issue. You can spot them easily when they call you every Saturday night and tell you: "Hey what are we doing tonight ?? ". If you want to build a social circle then, from times to times,*you* must be the one that brings people together. You must be the one that calls people up and proposes: "Hey we are doing this and that, do you want to hook up?".

Be the spider. Make your network.

So, people will know that you are the one that pulls the strings. If your friends do the same, then you get to merge groups. Here some tips on how to control groups. Chances are, that if more than one Friday night, someone called you out for a drink and you turned him down, then your circle has started already to diminish. It is that simple. If you want to know new people you may want to read dis my brother.

To give a more general idea, you should divide people in two kinds of people.

[ Well is anyone around that wants a black puppy? I am giving one. For free. Stick around because I am going to give my number ]

Attractors and expellers. We all have some of both inside us.

Attractors

- The Natural: He brings the child out that secretly all of us want to be again.

- The Charmer: He makes us feel nice.

- The Charismatic:He gives us a taste of something that is difficult to do.

- The Star: He gives us a glimpse of stardom.

Types of expellers

- The Barbarian: He has big ego or pays no attention to detail.

- The Choker: Leaves us, no personal space or calls too often.

- The Moralist: He keeps judging everyone and everything.

- The Tight on Money: He does not like to spent money; He doesn’t want to take any risks.

- The Mumbler: He is too self conscious and keeps rationalising everything.

- The Super Reactive: He cannot handle small insults because he has a too sensitive ego.

If you want to have plenty of people around you then, erase as much as you can from the second list while bring out your hidden side from the first list.

This next one is very important so open you ears: Assume that people are super interested to you EVEN IF they do not seem to be interested. If you really assume that people are interested to you, your body language will start to subcommunicate certain cues that will MAKE people pay attention to you. What came first? the egg or the hen?

One last thing.

Eye contact. Smile. Relax. Breathe.

Yes, you got that right. It is proven than when you look a person straight in the eyes in a soft manner; it makes the other feel a connection with you, it builds a bond. A recent psychogical paper said that terrorists tend to choose their victims from those that didn’t have a good EC with them.

[ I would like to know how they measured that one. ]

Rings a bell when, in high school, you got beaten by that bully, doesn't it?

Smile. With Enthusiasm. It is contagious.

Stay tuned. You may want to click and check out: How to be liked.

Some Relevant Links

All she care is being popular, edqnu about being popular

Open your social circle, great great post from kiss n' tale

43 things to expand your social circle, crazy ways to make friends

4 ways to open your social circle cyber style, how to make friends online

How to build a social life, from banal ablog Very nice The life of a social engineer How to build a circle, very organised Turn you life in a RPG and be social, where do geeks go after life? How to build rapport, success insider Build Rapport