| They call me a slut: why women of today still feel oppressed by society and what to do about it. |
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As any other guy, during the years, I have met many ladies that felt somewhat confused about their role in modern society. However, I am not talking here about the classical mother or career dilemma. I am talking about the slut or virgin dilemma: I am a woman, I am sexy, I am pretty but I feel that society imposes me the role of a virgin-lady and this breaks me into pieces. This pushes me into relationships that I do not really want, this pushes me into pretending that I am a 'lady' when secretly I do want to sleep with all these good looking guys that I meet in my every day life.
Everybody knows this double standard: men can sleep with as many women as they wish but when a woman tries to do the same, she is labeled as a slut and for some societies this is worse than ostracism.
This social pressure has a very subtle but quite clear effect on them. Depending on whether they have a strong character or not, they either face society and liberate themselves fully assuming a sexually liberated role, or they oppress themselves leaving a life of moralizing, paralyzing depression.
Now, in order for the above mechanism to come into place you must have an alignment of the following elements: - The local society must be have a very strong index of what Geert Hofstede calls masculinity: Masculinity (MAS) versus its opposite, femininity, refers to the distribution of roles between the genders which is another fundamental issue for any society to which a range of solutions are found. Studies have revealed that (a) women's values differ less among societies than men's values; (b) men's values from one country to another contain a dimension from very assertive and competitive and maximally different from women's values on the one side, to modest and caring and similar to women's values on the other. The assertive pole has been called 'masculine' and the modest, caring pole 'feminine'. The women in feminine countries have the same modest, caring values as the men; in the masculine countries they are somewhat assertive and competitive, but not as much as the men, so that these countries show a gap between men's values and women's values.
- The woman must be very sensitive towards society values in general. The rebellious woman seldom has a problem here. - The woman must have very strong emotional reactions in general. Emotional reactions that make her follow social norms so that she doesn't feel punished by society. - The woman must have had some sort of moralizing education during her upbringing that made her feel guilty for being sexually free with religion and rules of politeness being the worst. - She doesn't have a strong support basis on the subject. She hasn't read many books on the matter, she doesn't know many people (women) that have faced the same problem and she hasn't thought of it logically - as opposed to looping endlessely between negative emotions.
What to do if you are one of those womenPretty, sexually active women that suffer of some form of moralising pressure are plenty. If you are one of those, I would strongly suggest to do one of form a support basis
- Read, read and then read again about the subject. Inform your self about the different ideas that exist on the roles of women in modern society. This means a lot of time spending on Google and on Amazon. Keywords: roles of women, evolutionary psychology, mating mind, men and women, sexism, social psychology, any topic of psychology except the one of clinical psychology. - Find and talk with women that have been through this before (with success). This will help you form a small support group that will form the counter pressure to what society dictates. It will help you feel that you are not alone but one of many. It will help you find ideas on how to get through this and it will simply feel better. Many stand better than one. - After, you get some concepts in your mind clear AND ONLY THEN start observing women that are sexually liberated but never had a problem on the subject. You may be lucky enough and model the psychological mechanisms that permitted those girls to never have such a problem in their life.
LAST AND MOST IMPORTANT : Pass into action immediately. What I will tell you may sound macho but from my observation women think very differentely from men. I love you and adore you but I do find that you function way more emotionally than most men do. This means that you only listen to your feelings and do not think logically even if you can be more clever than as if you sit and think on the subject. As a result, the majority of women takes time to take innovative actions.
Break that loop and move into action.
Can I get a kiss now ??
They call me a slut: why women of today still feel oppressed by society and what to do about it.
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