Reframing, Outframing, Arguments and how to sell a coocoo clock to someone - along with bird food

Reframing

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and had the impression that, no matter what, he could always come up with a better argument than yours ?? I am sure that, at that point, you may have thought that it was the circumstances or even his specific arguments that brought you to that conclusion. Well, actually, not exactly. ;-)

It seems that there is a *systematic* way to form REALLY good arguments - even where there should be NONE. Politicians, lawyers and psychologists are the masters of persuasion and they come to us, armed, with tools that bend logic and turn words into weapons. The pen is mightier than the sword and a modern argument weighs more than a cruise missile. Needless to say that you don't have to go *that* far away: During your everyday life, you try to convince people on different matters, all the time.

It may be about convincing your boss to give you a raise, it may be about persuading your neighbour to take his dog away or it may be about convincing that pretty brunette that YOU are who she needs. However, the MOST important of all conversations never really gets vocalised: You spent, most of the day, thinking and talking to your self. THIS is a VERY important dialog, as it makes the difference between success and failure.

The key here is EMPOWERING BELIEFS. Have you ever met someone, who has made a trip to another country, to find out that people who live there, they think or do things COMPLETELY differently from what he was used to ?? It doesn't matter if we talk about an English man that finds out that the rest god damn world drives in the wrong lane or we talk about an Italian that tries to eat with chop sticks: It is called Cultural Shock.

In most conflicts or debates, both parties come up with good arguments about who is right and who should eat the pie. So we come to the first global truth:

There is NO global truth.

The only way to evaluate an argument is to see it under the filter of: Does that new *belief* empower your life or not ?? Then you should proceed to what is called in psychology an ECOLOGY check: Does your new belief mess up the life of another person in any way? If not, then you can proceed and activate that belief. When you've done with the above process, you are not left only with one truth but instead you have a whole SPECTRUM of zones and truths, in which you can maneuver and construct arguments.

A second, very important reason is that our brain is not formed as a perfect modeling tool. Most of us perceive the world through our senses and think we are doing it well. You would be SHOCKED, if you knew how bad our brain models the world. To start with, all humans are color blind. You can see only 5% of the electromagnetic spectrum. From what finally reaches your optical nerves, you filter half of it, leaving nothing but a shred to get through.

Information suffers also from a great deal of Loss, Distortion and in many cases a super Over Generalisation of things:

- How many among you have judged a certain race based only on the interactions you had with two or three members of that race? (Generalisation)

- How many among us have believed on false information ? (Distortion)

- How many among us, don't know that there are ways to become more succesful socially and thus letting ourselves being lonely ? (Loss)

REMEMBER: Whatever you perceive gets Distorted, Deleted and Over Generalised on its way in. It is your task to make sure not to overdo it.

In NLP this has been very nicely formulated by saying that you will never get to meet the real territory but only the MAP of that territory. Don't eat the menu, it is not the real plate. This means that what you feel and perceive as The world is nothing but a hallucination of your neurology, which happens to be common to everyone of our spieces. What you see round and green, for another creature may be rectangular and red. You don't have to travel to another planet to check this fact: Dogs feel the world very differently from us because they cannot see red or green. They perceive the world mainly through smell. Their map of the world is not the same like ours, but they still operate in the same territory with us: Planet Earth.

So, knowing that everyone lives in his *own* Matrix fantasy why not CHOOSE the type of beliefs that serve YOU instead of letting your self get chosen by some miserable mentality? Now, that we got through the moral argumentation, lets get on with the tools.

TOOLS FOR ARGUMENTS - for internal or external use.

The art of argumentation has been around for some time now: Approximately 2500 years have passed, since the ancient Greeks used professionals when they had to speak in public and convince their fellow citizens about matters of war and politics. Here is a summary of the ways you can use to convince yourself or others, to get to those EMPOWERING BELIEFS.

But and even though. This one, which I find it quite wicked. comes from the way your subconscious processes words. Every time you say the word 'BUT' you silently delete the phrase before. Every time you say 'EVEN THOUGH' you subliminally delete the phrase after. The only time you don't delete anything is when you say 'AND'. This can help you gain some slight advantage by using innocent phrases and transforming them with the proper use of the above words.

Example that would make you smile.

Yesterday, it started raining BUT the sun came up.

Yesterday, it started raining EVEN THOUGH/IF the sun came up.

Yesterday, it started raining AND the sun came up.

"Will you do X with me?"

"No, BUT thank you."

Chunking Up Chunking Up happens when you combine a series of beliefs to address a belief that resides one level up.

Example that would make you laugh.

The thought of 'I cannot learn'. + 'I don't like people in my new school' ==> Maybe you don't adapt so easy.

Chunking Down

You brake the belief to several sub beliefs.

Example that would make you be happy.

'I cannot learn'.==> Where is your learning problem? Inputting information? Representing it? Storing it or maybe Retaining it?

Analogy / Metaphor

You bring a similar situation and represent it. This is a VERY powerful tool as the subconscious understands only images but not words. Ever more, it can be used to transform a new problem to a previous one, where a solution exists already.

See the world from another map's perspective You try to bring up the way some other person would see the situation in hand. Someone with completely different way of of thinking.

Example that would make you win the lottery.

All time classic. 'Eat your food because there are people who are starving'.

Go for the intention All people have some positive intention, either for their selves or for others, behind their actions. It is the strategy that poses the problem.

Example that would make you have more friends. Client comes in the store and starts complaining that the [x] product is two expensive. ==>'I think that you want to buy something that has a good value for its money'

Go for the consequences Address the consequences in order to convince the other party.

Example that would make you like us. 'Even if it will be difficult to study for those exams, you will gain a lot more when you pass them.'

Shift outcomes

Example that would make you love us. 'You don't need to find a new boyfriend, you need to find your self'

Re-frame words The old half-empty, half-full story.

Example that would make you ask us for a date. I don't like to lose/ I like to win.

Change the frame

You re evaluate the consequences of a belief according to a bigger or smaller frame of reference

Example that would make you blink.

Someone says :'I am proud that I come from that country'. Over frame him with 'We are all humans after all'. Someone says: 'This house is so big, I could never live in it'. Underframe him with: 'Yes but it is small in relationship to that palace'.

Reality strategy Examine the sensor patterns someone uses to absorb reality. What type of inner representations he uses to remember or fantasize events?

Example that would make you ask your self "What is on earth is this site, with all these weird examples ??". Imagine a girl that holds your hand and tells you that she cannot be with you because she had a boyfriend. If you hear only what she is saying you will miss the most important: She IS holding your hand. ;-)

Counter example If someone has the tendency to overgeneralize, then you should find and show, one or two counterexamples that will stop that model.

Example that would make you think. 'All people from that group are boring'. Response: 'Yes but you know [x] and he is very interesting'

Criteria hierarchy

If someone doesn't want to do something because it messes with one of his beliefs. To bring him around you must find one that is more important and use it.

Example that would make you understand. Someone tells you he would never be able to talk back to another person. You tell him that if his children were threatened he would do it. And he would do it because there is something MORE important than being polite: His child's well being.

Self application

Use the same type of argument on the argument its self.

Example that would make you kick some ass. Someone beliefs that his new good habit of going to the gym wont last long. You can tell him 'I wonder how long will that thought last?'.

Meta frame

Here you make him see himself from outside. Or you put yourself in that frame.

Example that would make you be ecstatic.

'I don't like what you do.' You answer back: 'Who do you think YOU are to judge what I do.' By putting him in the image he has also to prove himself. People very often are not consciously aware of ALL their acts. OK meta framing can be really general. Meta framing can also mean working with the hidden meaning. People can get always the first meaning right but they are not accustomed to control the second. It is like boxing, where often someone gives a low straight jab knowing that it will be intercepted, but follows with an upper, devastating right hook: This second act is not expected and there is where the success lies, sending the opponent lying on the floor. Magicians often use the same principle by misdirecting attention. Most of people will only notice the most obvious act he does, while he is cheating in some other way that they don't perceive.

OK, why don't you watch the next video and try to figure out which of the above methods are used here. Notice how the movie character juggles with them. Listen how amazing Al Pacino chunks up and down from different belief systems, how he uses metaphors and how he adapts self direction. Finally, remark how he wraps up with a wonderful demonstration of criteria hierarchy. For those that haven't seen the film (Shame on you because it is SUCH a lovely film) the story goes like this:

The student next to Al Pacino knows who is behind the practical joke that left one of the school professors, covered with milk in front of the whole school. As a result, he faces a difficult dilemma: Tell who did it and expose his rich classmates or ... remain silent and face the consequences.

If he does cooperate with the school authorities, he will be offered a full scholarship (Ze carrot), the only hope for a poor student like him to succeed. If however, he decides to remain silent, he will be expelled from that school, destroying not only his reputation but also his dreams for a better life (Ze whip).

At the other side of the table, one of the rich kids of the school faces exactly the same dilemma but as his daddy is a major economic source for the school, he is being left untouched. However, there is a small surprise: a blind, retired lieutenant decides to support the hero ... and he knows everything about the power of the words...

Damn links for those that want to read more

If you want to become good at the art of persuasion there is no better starting point than the work of M. Lee. Get this product and your life will change in ways you could not even imagine!

Reframing

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rob	\| \| 2009-06-12 22:08:00

Could you please elaborate on re-framing and changing the frame? It seems like a powerful tool but the examples don't explain the concept in much detail.