| Prrrrrrt! - 10 QUICK ways to distinguish a BRAIN FART |
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If you think that McDonald's were everywhere, you will be surprised to learn that there is a certain something that you can find even more often than the McD's: Brain Farts 3.15.23: The phone rings and you pick it up. It is your best friend hoping for an intelligent chat. 3.16.42: You try to say something clever. 3.16.43: Frrrrrt! A Brain Fart pops out. 3.17.23: Your friends tells you to go jump off the window.
Similar scenario. You are holding a girl's hand. She is pretty. You know you want to kiss her. But in order to get the kiss, you have to first tell her something smart. However, when you open your mouth: Surprise! A Brain fart makes her way out and convinces your partner to take the first taxi that passes by. She leaves you all by your self. This vicious act makes Eric Clapton write a song. . Some History. Around 3000BC the Assyrians developed a theory that a brain fart resides in the mouth cavity. We would have to wait until 700BC when the Greeks pinpointed the exact location where the brain farts come from: Your Brain. End of Some History. What is a brain fart? A brain fart is a cognitive process that got published while the Editor was still at the bathroom. This means that it should have never gone public. Instead not only you made sure that everyone knows about it, but you are also proud for it. This is bad. No. It is not just bad: It is a conversation killer. It will make your friends hate you, it will convince your girlfriend to leave you and it will definitely chase your cat off. Be *very* careful. So how can you tell that you have brain farted? Well as in every domain, there are warnings. Being able to spot them, can save your reputation. 1. If people continue to stare at you blankly even after you have finished your phrase: My friend, you have just brain-farted. 2. If people stare at you after you have finished your phrase but there is a certain glimmer in their eyes. Oh man, you brain farted so bad. 3. If people call you names after your phrase. You brain-farted so bad that you woke up their nasty side. 4. If people stare at their shoes after your phrase. There is a brainfart in the air. 5. If people look at each other after your phrase. Um, I think you brain farted again. 6. If people try very hard to find something else to look at while making sure they avoid *you*. Serious long distance brain fart. 7. If people continue to talk about another topic as if you've never said it. That was *so bad* my friend. 8. If someone tells you to shut the f**k up right after your phrase. That is even worse. 9. If people call you names BEFORE you finish your phrase. Run because they are about to get violent. 10. If people hit you with the yellow pages book every time you open your mouth. You have a Brain Farting Chronic Syndrome also known as the George Bush disease from the well known French Painter :-) that got decapitated for being obnoxious 20 years before the French Revolution started. Many followed after him but for completely other and more mudane reasons. How to avoid brain farting. Well... OK. You could use the apparatus you have between your ears and think before yous speak. If that is not possible, just shut up and *that* will do the trick. Some examples. Well, considering that this whole post IS already a perfect example of a brain fart, I don't think you need another example. But as I am such a sport, i included some glorious examples. So wear your helmet because here we go. Poooooolitics: "You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." --to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005 "My answer is bring 'em on." —President Bush , challenging militants attacking U.S. forces in Iraq "This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous. And having said that, all options are on the table." -- G.Bush Brussels, Belgium, Feb. 22, 2005 "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." --President George W. Bush "What I'm hearing which is sort of scary is that they all want to stay in Texas. Everybody is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway so this (chuckle) – this is working very well for them." --Former First Lady Barbara Bush, on the hurricane evacuees at the Astrodome in Houston, Sept. 5, 2005
Paris Hilton (She is a category of her own. If we could put all her brain farts in one book, it would be so damn big that it would collapse under its own gravity field and form a black hole. ) "Wal-Mart... do they like make walls there?" "I don't really think, I just walk." "I’m an actress, a brand, a businesswoman. I’m all kinds of stuff." Paris get out of jail. We love you. The rest of the VIP pact Brook Shields - "If you're killed, you've killed a very important part of your life." Celine Oh-My-God Dion - "To have your niece die in your arms is the greatest gift from God." Al Gore (He is no longer in politics. He is a world savior now :-) ) - "I invented the Internet." Technoooology: "If there's a burglar in my home, maybe I send an e-mail or a text message to the police instead of making a call." -- Skype co-founder Nikolas Zennstrom, on his VOIP service's lack of 911 access. 'No one will need more than 637Kb of memory for a personal computer' - Bill Gates Spoooorts: Oh man.... there are so many of them and we don't have enough time now. Neeext time.
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"George Bush was not elected by a majority of the voters in the United States. He was appointed by God." –Lt. Gen. William Boykin, the defense undersecretary in charge of hunting down top terrorists in Iraq and Afghanistan 
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