“Intent is not a thought, or an object, or a wish. Intent is what can make a man succeed when his thoughts tell him that he is defeated. It operates in spite of the warrior’s indulgence. Intent is what makes him invulnerable. Intent is what sends a shaman through a wall, through space, to infinity.”

~ Carlos Castaneda

Not everyone starts from the same level of social prowess and not everyone shares the same beliefs. Since social skills have never been included in any official state education program and as many parents either hesitate to talk about it or simply don't have a clue, the social capabilities among men and women vary.. In our experience, most men's seductive game is mediocre or close to zero, while or a handful of bright exceptions (the “naturals”), it seems like a walk in the park.  With no guarantee of what YOU can achieve, we will assume that your road will be like ours - bumpy, full of showers, and with plenty of steep hills to climb.

 

The first time I talked to a girl in a bar,  I was so bad that I didn't even get past the goodmorning. Even my hands were trembling. From that point on, I realized that there is no such thing as a free meal. I had to approach girls for six months without getting a single kiss before I got my first success. This is the level of commitment you need to have and any shorter of this may deprive you of success.

As a side note, you should remember never to take advice from “the naturals” because, most of the time, they only have unconscious competence - they do what they do well without being able to explain how they do it. And when they do explain you would hope they'd never do, as they fall victim of the oldest error in science: correlation does not imply causation. In order to learn any social skill, you will need to observe humans as a scientist. If that is not an option then you will have to meet the few people that have built their skills throughout the years and that are similar to you in style, cultural background, and looks.

In most things that humans do, they have some form of reward attached to it. Every time you try something and like it, you are more willing to try it again. The more often you repeat this something, the more rewards you will get and you will become more willing to repeat this specific act again. This is known in psychology as operant conditioning. Ok, cool title. However, the catch with this mechanism is that, if one day you get a punishment instead of a reward, your motivation will halt faster than a brick wall  can stop a speeding car. In seduction, this is one of the main reasons why most men stop picking up women. The cocktail of negative feelings coming out of self-importance issues, ego-protecting mechanisms, and an inherent fear of failure on the subject can very easily generate a mountain of negative feelings, slicing motivation to pieces.

This is why it is important to augment the level of difficulty with a sense of measure. If you move too slowly, you won’t progress, you will get bored, and you will quit from a lack of reward (comfort zone). If you attempt to go up too fast, you will stall and quit (too challenging zone). This is what Wayne Elise meant when he once wrote:

“The greatest pick up artist is not the one who pushes himself into the hardest situations, “I am going to pick up those bitchy triplets while my friend lobs grenades over my head.” That guy will burn out in a month and join the priesthood. The greatest pick up artist is the one who enjoys himself the most. He is the one who will practice consistently over the longrun and become more skilled with women.”

~ Wayne Elise AKA Juggler

 

In order to have success in this endeavor (or in any other meaningful endeavor), you will have to commit to it at every level possible. In order for this to happen, you must first begin by finding some way to enjoy the skill at hand. Before you start, you should ask yourself one question: how badly do I want this? You must think of it often and built a passion for it. All great seducers for example shared one thing in common: for a long period in their lives they were obsessed by this quest. Owen Cook (AKA Tyler Durden) once said that, for two whole years, he made sure to go out on the street and pick up at least one woman each day. This is the level of commitment that builds champions.

Commitment means:

• Making big dreams bigger and better and then pursuing them relentlessly.

• Maintaining the joy and passion in your pursuit even if success is still not achieved.

• Pushing through obstacles even when they seem insurmountable.

• Continuing to learn along the way.

• Being the best you can be at all times.

• Making that learning skill a priority in your life.

• Overcoming the fear of failure.

• Accepting criticism.

• Practicing, sticking to your plan, navigating through negative feelings, closing the deal, accepting feedback from every social interaction, and pushing yourself beyond your limits to reach your goals.

• Understand the principle of “fake it, 'till you make it.” The more you practice an art, the better you become at it. Most of the time, success comes in leaps, not in slow increments. Most people are not willing to go through this type of effort and that is why they will never share this type of success. Are you a fighter or not?

• Enjoy the feeling of being alive. The ranges of emotion as you talk to strangers or chat with beautiful women at bars, clubs and streets can make a roller coaster ride look boring. People, this is life at its best.

• Set a meaningful goal and pursue it.

• Be proud and satisfied that you have achieved things that most men can only dream of.

• Share moments with friends that (do the same) – have achieved the same level of success?.

• Build smaller, attainable goals in the form of a game. so that once you achieve them, you can celebrate.

• Keep notes in a diary to help you track your progress. Always celebrate your achievements each day. For example, a goal could be as simple as "I talked to a woman today and I didn't know her. Yay!" Then buy yourself a beer as your reward.

• Empty your mind and experience moments of extreme presence as you focus only on the task at hand. This is what top competitors describe as “being in the zone”. This practice is more easily experienced than explained. 

“I believe life is constantly testing us for our level of commitment, and life's greatest rewards are reserved for those who demonstrate a never-ending commitment to act until they achieve. This level of resolve can move mountains, but it must be constant and consistent. As simplistic as this may sound, it is still the common denominator separating those who live their dreams from those who live in regret.”

~ Antonny Robbins

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Copyright (C) 2007 Alain Georgette / Copyright (C) 2006 Frantisek Hliva. All rights reserved.