How to train your body language - NLP life coaching
Train your body language
The difference of a good body language versus a bad body language has been known for years now. The message can be of great importance but it is HOW you say it that makes the difference.
Are the above REALLY important? Well, if you are an engineer you may not give a damn about how other people FEEL about you. You only want to pass across the message and you don't care if you are popular or not. If that is the case, you have no reason to stay longer and read the rest of this article. But in any other case you may find it useful to read through. ESPECIALLY, if you belong to any of the following categories of wonderful people:
* Salesmen
* People that do any form of public speaking
* Leaders of any kind (Army, political or commercial)
* Bob that wants to be liked AND respected by his friends
* Jim (the brother of Bob) that wants to pick up that pretty blond across the street/bar The tips for a good body language are everywhere and they are not really a big secret. You can find some more details here.
However, what is rarely found in literature is: how on earth do you train yourself to a new body language pattern? The first challenge arises, when you are called to hold attention to 9 points simultaneously. This is because your conscious mind CANNOT hold more than 7 pieces of information simultaneously. The second challenge arises under the name of Bio feedback loops or better known as anchoring. When you have a certain body language stance, you pass two messages across: a)The first message you sent it to the person that is listening to you.
You see, every time two persons meet, their bodies start a conversation. This is a non verbal conversation and it is quite subliminal, so people don't really pay attention to it. The most interesting part is that it CANNOT be silenced. What ever you do, when that pretty woman enters the room, you *will* feel some kind of arousal. You cannot control it and you cannot change it. If for some reason, you are stressed, then the person you are talking to will pick it up and the result will be that he will never manage to 'feel good' while listening to you. He will never succeed to vibe with you.
b) The second message is sent back to your self . Your subconscious has attached emotional states in every body stance you use. An example is when speaking with a high pitched tone. This, to most cultures, is anchored to a feeling of defensiveness. If you speak like that, then EVEN if you do it for a joke, even if you are imitating someone else, you will start to FEEL like you are REALLY defending YOURSELF. This is called a bio feedback loop.
So, EVERY stance you adopt is attached to some emotional state. This is why in most martial arts, the first thing you learn, it is usually some kind of defence stance. They make sure, they anchor in that posture a feeling of aggressiveness and readiness. So every time there is a threat, that would normally intimidate you, you get in a 'defence' position and automatically feel ready to handle anyone that comes along - even the meanest fighter in Mortal Combat.
The story of anchoring goes really back, and it was first noticed by psychologist Pavlov, who was training his dog at the dawn of the 20Th century. Every time he was about to feed him, he would ring a bell. Soon, the animal anchored the sound of a bell with the emotional state of eating. As the clever reader has already probably understood, every time Pavlov was ringing the bell the dog started to produce saliva and his jaw would lower making him ready to eat - even when there was NO food around. Both humans and dogs share the same primitive parts of the brain. Now, imagine what happens when the only time you use that body language stance is when you actually need it. Imagine that you walk in a certain way ONLY when you are about to speak in public. Speaking in public can, sometimes, be stressful. If you use a specific body language pattern ONLY then, you will anchor that posture with a stress situation and the result will be catastrophic. Every time you will try to have that certain body language stance, you will feel less calm.
So how do we train a body language posture?
First, you choose the posture you want. Let's say that you want to talk to a group of people and show them that you are a leader. You have to look big, you have to stand proud and generally look as the alpha male/female of the pact. You have to train that posture while you are calm, you are in your house and you are alone.
1) You find a mirror and you adopt that stance. You make sure you get all the details right. Make a check list.
2) Now, you must decide what type of emotional state you want to attach to that posture. Let's say that you want a positive and enthusiastic emotional state.
3) What you can do is you can take a group of music songs that bring out that emotional state of yours. You mix them in a random play list with other more standard songs. You press play. Anytime one of those songs pops up you adopt, in front of the mirror, that posture. You make sure you amplify that state. You let it visualise, you talk to your self, you do whatever is necessary until you 'ooze' with enthusiasm.:)
[ *** Don't you find Ze pink letters more nize? Zey are very sexy. I like dem a lot. Oui, oui. They make me more likeable. ***]
4) You leave the posture when the feeling starts to diminish. You don't wait for it to end completely. You must repeat the above pattern for at least one week before the anchor starts to take place - roughly 100 times are needed.If you want a relaxed position, forget the music and learn how to adopt a self hypnosis pattern. This will anchor the feeling of being relaxed with that body posture.
5) When you go out there and perform, forget of all the details. Forget of your body language details and if you do it good or bad. If you have done the above preparation right, it will come out the moment you start to move into one of those positions. It will help you to be out of your head and not think 'Am I looking confident now?' all the time. Get out of your head and see the world around you.
6) For those among you that have a hard time staying calm during high performances you can try something extra. You can simulate the moments of high stress like when you heart is pounding and you are really in a high situation by exercise. Go out, run, lift weights or do push ups. Then come back and try to simulate some line or some phrase you would normally say in front of a mirror. TRY TO CALM DOWN and HIDE those feelings. Soon you will start to look normal and very calm. After a while wou will get really good at bringing your self together in these situations. Just make sure you don't use the same body language as the one you've been training before. Make sure you got a strong calm anchor and then start using that BL during 'workout' sessions. Have fun with this form of engineering and make sure that you do it only for good hearted reasons.
*We Speak England Very Best* Disclaimer
We may write in English but no one in this site is a native English speaker.Hey Jim? How do you spell New York, Jim?
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