Happy Brain Storming

How to give a Handshake - The Lame, The Sexy and The Right

You cannot believe it. You are reading an article on how to give a handshake. Quickly! Look around. Is anyone watching you? Fiouu! That was close! Well you may think you know how to give a handshake, but for most people that is not the case. No sir it is not. A handshake is the second most important interpersonal, first contact you will ever have with someone - unless of course if you are French. Sally meets Harry. They give a handshake. Boss meets Client. They give a handshake. Modem meets Modem. They give a handshake.

Handshakes are, probably, one of the most repeated gestures a human can perform in his life. Yet, it is one out of 5 that someone gives me a *good* handshake. Why is it so damn important to give a good handshake? Because it is the first impressions that last.

Whatever you do, from that point on, it will always be processed from the First-Contact-Filter. No one will judge you for not giving a good handshake in the open, but when there aren't any other interests on the table, it will make or brake a good impression for you. In business, where both parties have £$€ interests, people are trained to ignore these things. But in personal situations it really counts. You meet the best friend of your girlfriend. Eyes meet. A quick "Hi". You give a handshake. *Bam*. That was it. He made his first opinion about you. Of course you can change it, but the first 20% is there.

You see your human brain has been developed through millions of years. The brain is like an onion. In the Inner layer: you have the Reptilian brain. His way of thinking is like: "Should I eat it?", "Cold", "Seeeeeex". He is a simple, straightforward chap. If you want to meet him, you can go to the local pub and drink more than 20 beers. He will drop by. Middle layer: The mammalian brain produces all the feelings and all the social thinking that comes with it. He is always there but anything emotional that may happen will make him dominant. A few beers can make him really happy. Outer layer that hopefully we all have: This is called the Neocortex brain and he is the one that does all the analytical thinking, if there is any. He doesn't like beer at all. Whatever you say passes first through the neocortex brain, and then he informs the other layers for possible implications. The only exception is with touch: When you touch someone the information is processed directly by the mammalian brain. Now the common lame handshake mistakes:

The dead fish handshake. The hand is sloppy, there is no grip at all.
The half way in handshake. You start sliding your hand, but it goes half way through and then it changes its mind.
Dirty Harry handshake. Clean your hands if you are sweaty my friend. Use the automatic dried in the toilet. It is a good idea, do it.
The Pincer. Well there you just play the game: "Crash the hand of the other guy".
Do not let objects between you. It seems dishonest.
Move with the same speed as he. Do not act more than the other person. He who moves the least is of greater social value. Do not insult the other person neither by being too slow; calibrate. After all you want to build rapport here.
Lean in as much as he does and *never* lean back.
Do not act selfish and insult people because they didn't offer the hand to you first.
Never comment negatively the hand shake of another person.

While doing right a handshake will not give you an advantage, doing it wrong will certainly turn the game against you. Some pointers for the right handshake:

Slide your hand ALL the way in. :-) Make sure your hands touch both at the connection of the plausible thumb with the rest of the palm.
Make sure you do not grip until you are all the way in.
Grip using a normal force. Not too hard not too weak. Calibrate.
Do not do any of the mistakes mentioned earlier.
Stand up always.
Good eye contact through the whole handshake.
Very slow shake from the elbow.

Now if you want to make a good impression on a woman or a man you must differentiate your self from the others. Your handshake must arouse him/her a bit. There are two sexy ways:

When you start breaking your handshake avoid breaking two quickly. Instead, as you retract rub his/her palm with your fingers. Hold a good eye contact and most important SMILE. Try being Fresh and not creepy.
Right before you break the handshake, you sandwich her hands using both hands, and as you retract rub slightly her hand.

For men: Now step back please. This is very important because you must show that you respect her private bubble space. It is better to move inside the zone and then move outside the zone than stay at the periphery. Don't be a satellite. At the end of the day she will remember of you; It may be for good, or it may be for bad. It doesn't matter. Always be the noticed.

You can tell many things by the handshake of someone. Someone that tries to turn his palm facing down while he shakes your hand, he is trying to dominate you. Slap the bastard. Do not try to over force him, this will make things worse as you may seem a try hard. Don't try to over force him as he may be stronger than you. What to do: Do one step left. This will force him to align his handshake in the 50-50 position. If he, while shaking your hand, turns his palm up then he wants you to like him. If someone sandwiches your hand, either he *really* likes you, or he is a freakin' lying politician. If you offer your hand and the other person doesn't offer it, deal with it as a stupid argument. Well... I think that's all for the moment. Did you like this article? Mmmm.. Did you?