Walls.
I never really liked them.
When I turned 18, all I wanted to do was to make new friends and girlfriends. I remember thinking to myself that I wouldn't have to make a specific effort for that.
I couldn't be more wrong.
In modern societies men have constructed walls. These walls are not built with concrete or with bricks. They ONLY exist in the minds of people but they are far more powerful than their brick-and-concrete counterparts. Social walls are the reason why, in a city inhabited by millions, there exist so many without girlfriends, so many without boyfriends and so many with no one to call out a Friday night.
Few things are stranger to me, apart from why they let Paris Hilton write books, than the fact that some of my 'tougher' friends who practice 'martial arts' or 'extreme sports' have never found the courage to go up to a woman and tell her they like her. However, what I find absolutely bizarre is the verb I used in the last sentence: Why should it take 'courage' to talk to another human being ?
The paradox of vacations and an empty bottle of whiskey
After years and years of bad social programming, most people nowadays need to drink in order to find the courage to start flirting. The alcohol industry feeds off massively from this process and has made sure to anchor sexual success with the presence of alcohol. They have even hired psychologists to cultivate that need. In some Nordic countries that I am very fond off, people that don't drink are considered 'aliens', pushing a whole generation on the edge of alcoholism. Edward Bernays must be rolling and laughing in his grave with that.
The only time, throughout the whole year, when those 'social walls' are lowered, is the glorious period of vacations. During a few warm days of August, women become more open to flirting, men become more daring and the world seems to be a better place.
I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in 14 days I lost two weeks.
~ Joe E. Lewis
Practice brings perfection
This article is the younger brother of Strange Ways to Meet New People written by Margaret Thatcher. We thank her deeply for her contribution in our site. It serves more as a road-map, on how to start the journey towards social robustness and an impeccable capability of meeting people in everyday situations using nothing BUT your wits. Oh, and yes we did commit the sin and included a heavy "How to pick up women chicks" element. If you don't like it or you think it is too much, you can always write us an "I hate you" comment right at the bottom, making sure to look clever, mean and dead serious.
Here we go
The thing is that you can keep reading about social techniques all day long, but unless you apply them, you will probably never really understand them or even remember them, when needed.
Before you start this I suppose you know that style, clothes and personal grooming are taken for granted. What you wear either commands respect and can halt a truck at full speed or it can make even flies to ignore you. You choose.
Talking to strangers
The goal of this exercise is to familiarize you with talking to strangers. In order to achieve that you will have to get out of the house all by your self, go to a public area where many friendly, non threatening people hang out: a shopping mall, a park or a cafe will do the trick ... and then Interrupt 50 of them by asking them one question about something irrelevant, while maintaining eye contact and smiling. "Do you know where is Graham street, sir?" cannot possibly be a good, sound example.
Turn off your emotional defenses
Most of us, we were hurt by other people while we were growing up and as a result we have learned to protect our feelings by hiding our true good self. Exception to that is when some external event reactivates it: eg. The death of a close relative can make us talk to people we haven't talked to for a long time. A method for reversing that process and unlocking our caged heart, is to meet 10 persons you know really well and tell them "John or Michelle.... (stop and pause)... I love you, man". You will be surprised to find out that it is not as easy as it may sound... :)
Social Pressure
Have you ever felt shy ? Have you ever, back in your life, said or done something that made you feel your stomach burn and made you turn red faster than a Scandinavian roasts in summer vacations?
Feeling shy is the signal our body emits, when we are deviating from the social norm. However, the problem with social norms is that, very often, they are constructed only to serve those ones living on the top of the ladder, maintaining thus their status quo. They are there to reminds us, where our position should be: What is your pecking order ? If you want to lead in your life, if you want to have somethings dealt better than everyone else, you will have to be able to handle social pressure.
I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd
You're gonna hear my voice
When I shout it out loud
~ Bon Jovi
In order to do that you will have to expose progressively your self to it until you become more immune. You will feel social pressure when you are talking to a beautiful girl, when you are talking in front of a large audience and surely when you are dressed differently from other people. The reasons why these happens would never fit in this post and if someone ever tried to make a post about it, it would probably exhaust the patience of our more conservative readers. Hi, Zachary! How are you doing my man? Long time, no see, brother. I see you still wear those glasses...
A simple list of ways to start handling social pressure is:
- Sing in front of an audience = Karaoke, baby!
- Participate at improv theatre matches, in front of a public. Not only you will learn how to handle pressure but you will also learn to think under pressure. Nice !
- In many countries men and women take a day off before they get married. They are then given ridiculous clothes and made to perform a series of stupid acts by their friends with sole goal, to ridiculise them. However, the day before the wedding is waaaay too late, my brother. If you could do this earlier, like when you are 20 years old, you would have an epiphany 5-15 years earlier.
- The last part is somewhat a bit more tricky. You can from time, to time, admit embarrassing things in front a big circle of friends with only goal to feel the social pressure. It is tricky, because if what you admit is a bit socially awkward, you will diminish in value in front of their eyes. To be used carefully and with the same warnings that George Bush was presented to his mother after birth. Doctor: "He seems a bit retarded ma'am ... I am sorry".... "Oh, but I love him doctor, he is my son". (Who could ever possibly imagine ... !)
This phrase caught me in a soft spot....
